Bridging the Double Empathy Gap
This week on The Great Language Partner Podcast, we interviewed Jamie Burch, SLP. Jamie is a neurodiversity affirming SLP and the owner of Inclusion Therapy Services. We had a great episode about the Double Empathy Problem and our role in supporting social communication with autistic learners. This blog post will summarize all that we talked about in the episode, and we’ve linked the episode at the bottom for you to listen to!
The way we approach communication between autistic and neurotypical individuals is evolving. For too long, the burden has fallen on autistic individuals to adapt their communication styles to fit neurotypical norms. But as we embrace neurodiversity and encourage authentic communication, there’s a crucial piece we can’t overlook: educating the neurotypical community. Without this step, we risk widening the gap between neurotypes, making it harder for both sides to connect. This is where understanding the double empathy problem becomes essential.
What Is the Double Empathy Problem?
The double empathy problem, a concept coined by Dr. Damian Milton, highlights that communication breakdowns between autistic and neurotypical individuals are not due to deficits on one side. Instead, both sides experience difficulty understanding each other’s perspectives because of their different ways of experiencing and interpreting the world. While two neurotypical individuals or two autistic individuals typically communicate well within their groups, miscommunication often occurs when individuals from different neurotypes interact.
This insight shifts the responsibility away from solely autistic individuals and emphasizes the need for both sides to bridge the empathy gap. Simply put, both groups need to learn and understand each other’s communication styles.
Why Does This Matter in Speech Therapy and Everyday Life?
Traditional social skills training has often focused on teaching autistic individuals to mimic neurotypical behavior, such as by making eye contact, engaging in small talk, or maintaining reciprocal conversations about non-preferred topics. However, this approach can lead to masking, where autistic individuals suppress their natural ways of communicating to fit in. Research shows that masking is not only emotionally exhausting but also linked to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and even suicide.
A neurodiversity-affirming approach, on the other hand, empowers autistic individuals to embrace their unique communication styles while also advocating for their needs. It acknowledges that differences are not deficits—they’re just different.
Practical Ways to Bridge the Double Empathy Gap
Educate Neurotypical Individuals: Just as we teach autistic individuals about neurotypical communication styles, we must also teach neurotypical individuals about autistic communication. This includes understanding that eye contact may be uncomfortable, info-dumping (sharing extensive information about a passion) is a valid way of connecting, and literal interpretations of language are common.
Foster Mutual Understanding: Social communication support should focus on helping both neurotypical and autistic individuals understand each other. For example, teaching an autistic child to say, “I prefer not to hug, but I can give you a high five,” empowers them to set boundaries while still engaging socially.
Normalize Different Communication Styles: In everyday interactions, we can help bridge the gap by normalizing diverse ways of communicating. If a child uses an AAC device or gestures instead of speech, acknowledge it as a valid form of communication. Educate peers by simply explaining, “They use this device to talk, isn’t that cool?” and move on.
Rethink Social Skills Goals: Instead of goals that push autistic children to act neurotypically, focus on goals that help them communicate authentically. For example, replace “maintain a conversation about a non-preferred topic for five turns” with “advocate for their preferred communication style and set boundaries when needed.”
Model Inclusive Communication: Adults play a key role in modeling inclusive communication. When children see adults respecting different communication styles, they learn that differences are accepted and valued. This helps build empathy and reduces stigma.
Real-World Impact
When both sides understand each other, the empathy gap begins to close. Consider a young girl who previously struggled to interact with peers because she found social situations overwhelming. After learning to advocate for her needs, she can now confidently say, “I don’t like hugs, but I’m happy to play.” Her peers, having been taught to respect different communication styles, simply accept her preference without judgment.
This shift benefits everyone. Autistic individuals feel more accepted and understood, while neurotypical individuals gain a deeper appreciation for different ways of experiencing the world. Ultimately, bridging the double empathy gap creates more inclusive communities where everyone can thrive.
Take Action
Parents: Teach your child that different communication styles are valid. Answer their curious questions with simple, positive explanations.
Educators: Incorporate lessons about neurodiversity into the classroom. Teach students that not everyone communicates the same way and that’s okay.
Therapists: Reevaluate social skills goals to ensure they respect each child’s authentic communication style. Educate both the child and their family on advocating for their needs.
Together, we can bridge the double empathy gap by fostering mutual understanding and respect. The more we normalize diverse ways of communicating, the closer we get to a world where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued—just as they are.
References:
Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: The ‘double empathy problem’. Disability & Society, 27(6), 883-887.
