The “Real World”
There’s one comment that I’ve received so many times on my posts that will always get a rise out of me.
It’s usually in response to a strategy I’ve shared for a child led, neuroaffirming approach to supporting autistic kids.
The comment goes something like:
“In the real world, they need to learn to do [XYZ]” or “In the real world, they can’t just [XYZ].”
For example, I recently shared a story about a time when I saw my autistic student get up to get a drink from the fridge in his classroom, only to be blocked by an adult who attempted to require him to “use his words.”
My suggestion was that instead of blocking a gestalt language processor’s access to a drink and demanding they “use their words,” we should model language from their perspective—“I’m thirsty” or “I need a drink.”
In response to this story, someone commented, “In the real world, kids can’t just walk up and take a drink without asking. That’s stealing.”
There it was…that “real world” thinking. 🙄
I think the “stealing” argument is a bit of a stretch, but it was the “real world” comment that really got my attention.
Because you know what? That kind of thinking—that we need to change autistic kids for the so-called “real world”—completely misses the point, in my opinion.
The Problem with High-Pressure Demands
Imagine you’re a child who struggles to communicate. You recognize you’re thirsty (a huge win for your interoception!) and so you go to get a drink. But instead of simply getting what you need, you’re blocked. You’re pressured to “ask for it” in a way that may simply be inaccessible in the moment.
What happens next? Many kids feel so dysregulated they give up—or worse, they find other ways to meet their needs, like sneaking a drink or ignoring their thirst altogether.
This isn’t teaching communication. It’s teaching distrust.
A Better Way: Modeling Language & Empathy
When we create safety, we create the conditions for meaningful learning. Here’s how:
Notice the Win
Recognize and celebrate what the child is doing. Recognizing their body’s cue for thirst is huge! Initiating the action of getting a drink is a big deal!
Model Language
Narrate from the child’s perspective without adding pressure:
“I’m thirsty.”
“I need water.”
“Let’s open it.”
Offer Support
Show the child that you’re there to help them meet their needs by helping them achieve their goal (in this case- getting a drink) instead of being a barrier.
Why This Matters for the “Real World”
By supporting communication without pressure, we’re teaching kids that:
Their needs matter.
They can trust the adults around them.
Communication is a tool, not a barrier.
This isn’t about “letting kids get away with things.” It’s about creating a foundation for lifelong success—where kids feel safe, seen, and capable of meaningful communication.
Let’s Build a Kinder World
Supporting autistic kids isn’t about forcing them to fit into a rigid mold of the “real world.” It’s about giving them the tools and safety to thrive in their real world. It’s about helping our kids learn without adding unnecessary pressure.
Ready to Take Action?
If you want to learn more about how to support communication in this way, my Great Language Partner Workbook is packed with actionable strategies.
👉 Learn more about this incredible, 160+ page resource here!
