All Play Is Okay…But What Does That Mean?

We talk a lot about “play-based therapy,” but I need to be honest with you: adding toys to a session doesn’t make it play-based.

And it definitely doesn’t make it child-led.

True play, the kind that fosters regulation, connection, and communication, starts with the child. It centers their interests, their ideas, their way of playing. Even if that play doesn’t look like what you were expecting.

Maybe they want to line up every car in the room instead of racing them. Maybe they want to reenact a YouTube video word for word. Maybe they just want to hold a balloon and bounce on a therapy ball. 

It all counts.

But too often, adults feel the need to “guide” that play. We withhold pieces to require requests. We interrupt the child’s ideas to make sure they’re doing it “right.” We insert ourselves into their experience, and often, we take over.

What message does that send?

It tells the child their ideas aren’t valid. That it’s yet another thing that adults get to control. 

And when play becomes controlled, it’s no longer play. It’s work.

I get why this happens. We’re trained to think that every interaction is a chance to “teach.” We worry that if we don’t steer the ship, language won’t happen. But in reality, the opposite is true.

When we truly follow an autistic child’s lead,  we get invited into their world. We earn trust. And in that trust, language can develop! All play is okay. And all communication counts — even the quiet moments.

What You Can Do

• Observe first. What’s capturing their attention?

• Join in only if you’re invited- with a glance, a gesture, a shared giggle.

• Model language from their perspective: “Let’s line them up!”

• Let go of the idea that play has to look a certain way to be valuable.