What Can We Do When An Autistic Child Does Not Want to Engage During Therapy?
If you’ve ever had a session where your autistic client walked away when you arrived or otherwise was not interested in engaging, you are not alone. It happens!
It’s easy to panic a little. Is the session falling apart? Am I the worst clinician in the world?
But what if I told you there was a mindset shift that could make these moments a lot less worrisome?
What if we reframed these moments and asked ourselves, “What is this child communicating to me with their actions?
We can start to view our autistic clients’ actions, even those like walking away from us, as clear communication.
What Walking Away Might Mean
Every time a child leaves an activity, they are telling us something.
This doesn’t feel fun
This feels too hard
I need to regulate before I can engage
Something else feels more interesting, and I want to go check it out
That’s valuable information. And in a child-led session, we follow that lead instead of pulling them back.
Following, Not Redirecting
I see this all the time with traditional speech therapy sessions with autistic kids. The child gets up to explore something new, and the adult’s instinct is to bring them back to the “main activity.”
But in a child-led session, we do the opposite. We follow. We see where they go. We narrate what they’re doing. We look for chances to connect and add value.
Real Example: Pop the Pig Gone Wrong
Back in my early years as an SLP, I used to stand in front of the toy closet before sessions feeling a sense of dread, if I’m honest. The toys and materials we had were never really a hit during my sessions, and I always felt like kids were cooperating just because they wanted to get speech over with.
So, I’d choose a toy or game that I thought had some potential, like Pop the Pig, and I’d go grab my students for their therapy session.
And sometimes, when I’d open my bag and pull out the game, a child (or several) would get up and move away.
Back then, I felt like a failure. It was embarrassing to not be able to engage with my students, and to feel like they were bored in therapy.
But now, I know better. I know that getting up and walking away was probably the most efficient way many of my autistic students had to communicate disinterest. To tell me they didn’t want to play. To show me that something else was capturing their attention.
It was not a failure. It was an opportunity!
An opportunity to follow their lead and find out what really sparked joy for my students. To let them guide me to the things that they actually wanted to communicate about.
Back then, these moments caused my face to flush and my mind to race. I felt like every adult in the room was watching me to see if I’d be able to regain “control” of my session.
But now….I welcome these moments. Because they allow me to more deeply connect with my students and model language about the things that matter to them.
Something I teach is that in order for something to be truly child-led play, it must pass what I call the 3 Freedoms Test. The 3 Freedoms of child led play are: freedom to choose, freedom to change, and freedom to end.
Freedom To Walk Away
This is one of the core 3 Freedoms I teach: the freedom to end or change an activity whenever the child needs to (read more about the 3 Freedoms of Child-Led Interactions here).
When we follow that freedom instead of resisting it, we show kids that their communication matters and that we understand.
So Next Time…
If your autistic client walks away mid-session, pause.
Watch.
Follow.
Because that is how you honor and expand communication.
