Why I Cover My Own Ears in Sessions With Autistic Kids
If you’ve ever worked with or parented an autistic child who covers their ears, you’ve probably wondered what to do in those moments.
Should you encourage them to “get used to” the noise? Should you ignore it and move on?
Or could this moment be an opportunity to validate, model, and support?
In my sessions, I spend a lot of time covering my own ears alongside my autistic clients. Not because I need to, but because modeling is powerful.
What Does Covering Their Ears Mean?
When an autistic child covers their ears in response to noise, they’re telling us something.
This might be their most effective way of saying:
It’s too loud.
That sound was unexpected.
I need to protect myself from something that feels uncomfortable or painful.
It’s easy to brush this off if the sound doesn’t seem “that loud” to us. But just because a noise doesn’t bother us doesn’t mean it’s not distressing or even painful for the child.
This is why our response matters. Instead of assuming they need to build “tolerance” for loud sounds, we can show them that their communication is valid and that there are ways to support their sensory needs.
Moving Away From “Desensitization” and Toward Self-Advocacy
For so long, therapy focused on desensitizing autistic kids to loud noises, as if their sensory needs were something to “fix.”
I don’t do that.
In a child-led, neuroaffirming approach, the goal isn’t to make kids tolerate more discomfort. It’s to:
✔️ Help them understand their sensory needs
✔️ Support them in communicating what feels okay and what doesn’t
✔️ Model strategies for self-advocacy and self-protection
Instead of pushing through distress, we help kids feel safe, confident, and in control of their sensory environment.
How I Model Self-Advocacy in Sessions
Modeling is one of the most effective ways to support self-advocacy skills with autistic kids. Instead of just telling them what to do, I show them.
Here’s what that looks like in practice:
I cover my own ears too. This normalizes their response and shows them that it’s okay to protect themselves.
I comment on what’s happening. I say things like, “That was really loud!” or “That sound surprised us.” This helps put words to their experience.
I model solutions. I might say:
“Headphones might help.”
“Let’s cover our ears together!”
“We can take a break.”
By modeling these strategies, I’m giving kids tools they can use beyond our sessions.
Giving Warnings Before Loud Sounds
Loud or unexpected sounds can be especially distressing for kids with sensory sensitivities. While we can’t prevent every sudden noise, predictability helps.
Whenever possible, I give a heads-up before something loud happens.
“I’m about to turn on the balloon pump. It will be loud. Want to wear your headphones?”
“The fire alarm is about to beep. Let’s cover our ears.”
“The lights are buzzing, and it hurts my ears. Let’s turn them off.”
When kids know what to expect, they can prepare instead of panic.
Co-Regulating Through Unexpected Loud Sounds
Of course, we can’t always predict when a loud noise will happen. When it happens unexpectedly, I focus on co-regulation to help my client feel safe.
That might look like:
✔️ Staying calm and acknowledging what happened. “That was really loud! I feel nervous too.”
✔️ Using grounding strategies. “How about a head squeeze?”
✔️ Offering accommodations. “Let’s cover our ears” or “Let’s grab your headphones.”
Instead of brushing past the discomfort, I validate it and provide immediate support. This helps kids learn that they are not alone in these moments and that they can take action to regulate.
Why This Matters
Because sensory needs are real.
Autistic kids often experience sound much more intensely than we do. When they show us that something is too loud, we don’t get to decide whether it’s “valid.”
When we model self-advocacy instead of forcing compliance, kids learn:
✔️Their experiences are valid
✔️They can take action to protect themselves
✔️Adults will support them, not dismiss them
That’s how we build trust, safety, and self-confidence — all of which are foundational for meaningful communication.
So, the next time you see a child covering their ears, instead of thinking, “How do I get them to tolerate this?” try asking, “How can I support them?”
Because when we listen, validate, and model, we’re not just helping them manage noise.
We’re honoring their communication and helping them advocate for their needs.
