A Session That Made Me Question Everything
It was one of those sessions I’ll never forget.
Not because it was magical. Not because we made any major progress. But because it made me question everything I thought I knew about speech therapy.
Eight years ago, I was working with an autistic student who I’ll call M. She was a quiet little girl who often walked into our sessions with her head down and her energy low. Within minutes, she’d have her head on the table, totally disengaged. Sometimes, she even pretended to fall asleep.
And there I was, holding a stack of picture cards, trying to get her to label items so she could "build communication skills."
I genuinely believed I was helping.
I had goals in mind that focused on her directing actions and labeling verbs so she could advocate for herself.
But none of it felt right.
She wasn’t engaged. She wasn’t making progress. And I was starting to feel like the worst therapist in the world.
What I Didn’t Know Then
What I didn’t understand at the time was that our sessions were rooted in compliance, not connection.
I was using token systems. I was promising bubbles after she did the work. I was ignoring the most important piece: whether or not the experience felt safe, joyful, or meaningful for her.
She didn’t need more picture cards. She needed someone to actually see her.
And the moment I started to reflect on that—and how many kids I’d unintentionally put through similar experiences—I knew I had to find a better way.
That moment became the catalyst for everything I do now.
Why Traditional Therapy Often Misses the Mark
Let’s be honest: most of us were trained in adult-directed, goal-heavy, performance-driven therapy models.
We were taught to:
Set measurable goals
Reinforce desired behaviors
Use prompts and corrections to get kids to "perform"
But here’s the truth that session with M helped me uncover: You can’t build authentic communication on a foundation of pressure.
Especially with autistic kids.
If you’ve ever felt stuck—if a child walks into your session and immediately shuts down—here’s what I want you to know:
It’s not you. It’s not the child. It’s the approach.
What To Try Instead: 5 Child-Led Shifts That Changed Everything
Ready to make the shift? Here are five actionable steps to move from compliance-based therapy to child-led, connection-first support:
1. Observe Before You Intervene
Start each session with quiet observation. What is the child drawn to? How are they showing up today? What’s their body language telling you?
This tells you more than any assessment tool ever could.
2. Ditch the Reinforcement Systems
Instead of "First this, then bubbles," try leaning into what already brings the child joy. Let their interest lead the session.
Authentic engagement trumps external rewards every time.
3. Model During the Moment
When a child initiates (with a gesture, a script, or an action), model the corresponding language as you do the action.
Example: If they bring you to the snack drawer, say "Let's open it!" as you open it.
This shows them a new way to express their intent—without pressure.
4. Reframe Progress
Instead of feeling like you accomplished nothing in a session, ask yourself:
Did we connect?
Did the child feel safe?
Did they try to communicate in whatever modality they feel most comfortable?
That’s the kind of progress that sticks.
5. Honor Their Communication Style
Scripting, gestures, AAC—it's all valid.
Don’t interrupt. Don’t withhold. Don’t require them to use speech if the message is already clear.
Instead, join their world. Reflect back. Let them lead.
Let This Be Your Turning Point
That session with M didn’t end with a new goal met. But it marked the beginning of a new chapter.
One where I stopped trying to "fix" or "teach" in the traditional sense—and started showing up as a partner, an observer, and a co-regulator.
If you’re feeling stuck, start small. Observe. Reflect. Follow their lead.
Because the real magic happens when we shift from performance to partnership. And that one shift? It changes everything.
Want to learn more about how to put these shifts into practice? Check out episode 1 of Let Them Lead on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!
