Why Some Autistic Students Aren't Making Progress—And What To Do Instead
Let me guess…
You’re using all the strategies. You’ve written solid goals. You’re showing up with care and consistency.
But your autistic student just isn’t making progress.
And you’re starting to wonder… what am I missing?
If that sounds familiar, I want to offer you this reframe:
It’s not the child. It’s not you. It’s the approach.
Let’s talk about why that is—and what we can do to shift it.
The Root of the Problem: A System Not Built for Autistic Kids
Most traditional therapy models are compliance-driven. They were built around neurotypical milestones and expectations. And they often prioritize performance over connection.
That creates a problem, because when autistic kids are:
Bombarded with adult-directed questions
Asked to perform skills that don’t feel meaningful
Expected to engage while dysregulated
... they’re set up to shut down, not succeed.
3 Questions I Ask When a Child Isn’t Making Progress
Before jumping to new goals or tools, I pause and ask:
1. Does the child feel safe with me?
Not just physically, but emotionally.
Have they had time to build trust? Are they sensing pressure?
2. Is the child regulated enough to learn?
If the nervous system isn’t calm and centered, learning can’t happen. No exceptions.
Is the environment supportive? Do they have access to sensory strategies that actually help?
3. Am I honoring how they already communicate?
Are we dismissing gestures, echolalia, or AAC as "less than"—or are we celebrating and expanding them?
When I ask these questions honestly, I almost always find a place to shift.
And those small shifts lead to real progress.
What Real Progress Looks Like
Let’s look at a real-life example.
One of my clients struggles to stay regulated when her toddler sibling takes her toys. To support her, we focused on modeling self-advocacy using phrases that she could easily use across contexts, such as:
"That’s mine!"
"Stop!"
"I’m not ready to share."
Those phrases changed everything.
She didn’t need to label pictures or answer wh-questions right now. She needed the language to self-advocate.
That’s what progress looks like.
4 Shifts That Make All the Difference
If you’re ready to support autistic kids in a way that actually helps them thrive, here’s what to focus on:
1. Prioritize Co-Regulation
Your regulation is contagious. Build sessions around shared regulation instead of demands.
2. Connect Before You Direct
Spend time joining your student in what brings them joy, without placing demands and adult-directed tasks.
3. Use Strength-Based, Functional Goals
Think outside of the box when it comes to goal writing. Ask yourself: What communication skill would help this child feel safer, more understood, or more connected? Start there.
4. Model Language Without Pressure
When they lead you to a snack or toy, don’t stop them to say "use your words." Model as you do the thing.
"Let's open it." "You want this one."
They’ll absorb more when you are not putting unnecessary pressure on them!
You Can Start Today
You don’t need a new certification or curriculum to shift your approach. You just need to:
Get curious
Follow your student’s lead
See behavior as communication
And trust that connection is where progress begins
Let’s unlearn the old rules together. Let’s create space for kids to show us what they’re capable of. And most of all, let’s keep letting them lead.
